Earlier this month, I had the absolute honor and privilege to speak at my friend Nicki Koziarz’s Soul Shalom Weekend (click here to check out a recap!). I was so grateful for the opportunity to unpack Scripture with women from all over the country, who were desperately seeking God’s peace and presence. As I worshipped shoulder-to-shoulder with women whose hearts and souls ached, prayed over women whose prayer requests only came out in choked sobs, and danced with joy in the glow of flickering candlelight, God’s presence was undeniable. And in His presence, I felt a shift in my soul, a gentle nudging by the Spirit, and a a new perspective take root. (Yeah, the weekend was THAT GOOD).
You see, when Nicki asked me to speak at Soul Shalom Weekened, it was an enthusiastic “Yes!” Now, if I’m being honest with you, that enthusiasm gave way to want-to-throw-up level of nerves real quick. BUT, I knew the message the Lord was giving me was worth pushing through the panic. The Lord led me to speak on speak on the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude. Which, honestly, is pretty laughable considering I’m about 10 decibels louder than anyone you’ve ever met and I’m very rarely alone, considering I’m a stay-at-home mom to a one-year-old and four-year-old.
But through unpacking the last few verses of the first chapter of Mark and the slow and steady work God was doing in my own life, I managed to challenge the women in attendance with this:
Through the tear-stained mornings or the ones marked by joy, I’ve learned that peace isn’t found in perfect circumstances. Peace is found in the ordinary faithfulness of messy and mundane days when I chose to faithfully seek Him in solitude, listen to Him in silence, and obey Him in faithfulness.
And throughout the weekend, as I rejoiced and lamented, praised and processed all that God was doing at Soul Shalom, I realized God was about to ask me to take the message of silence of solitude a little further. So, I deleted all my social media apps and started leaving my phone in another room.
No more mindless scrolling, sending TikToks to my friends, keeping up with my friend’s IG stories, or posting about our summer. As a stay-at-home mom, I felt like Instagram was my lifeline. It was a place where I knew all my friends would be hanging out and where I could show up as someone other than Mom.
I could share deep thoughts with people who could read them!
I could look put together and presentable!
I could be cool and funny!
But something I’ve learned about God these past few years is He loves us to much to let us stay stuck in places that aren’t serving us anymore. And I was about to find out just how much my reliance on scrolling and liking wasn’t saving my life, it was killing my soul.
It’s been a month since I logged off and the Lord has been faithful in showing me the fruit of my (I’m going being honest here) rather reluctance obedience. Here’s a few things that stuck out to me about switching off my phone and switching up my routine:
- I read three books in two weeks! Check out my favorites list below for the ones I flew through.
- I was more patient with my kids. I didn’t feel like I was constantly being interrupted because there was truly nothing to interrupt.
- I was much less anxious since I wasn’t exposed to content designed to induce fear, guilt, shame, comparison, anxiety, or grief in the name of engagement. The Opt-Out Family, (which I talk about below!) explains how social media algorithms are designed to keep us scrolling and engaging, which usually means prioritizing content that induces anger, fear, or anxiety. Since we have no control over what post or content we see next when we’re scrolling, it can cause us to become dysregulated fairly easily. I found myself less fearful and less dysregulated and overstimulated throughout the day.
- I found myself able to discern and trust my own gut feelings regarding parenting, homeschooling, faith, and community without first wading through the opinions of countless internet experts. As someone who thoroughly enjoys research, and loves to read a wide variety of opinions, I didn’t realize just how much I internalized the endless parenting and ministry frameworks to the point where I couldn’t even truly tell you my own opinion on certain things. But with some mental space and energy to sort out my own ideas, values, and philosophies for myself, I was surprised by how much more confident I became in my own voice and ideals.
So, what’s next? That’s a great question, and one I’m wrestling with. I feel called and commissioned to write words, to teach the Bible, and to speak life over others. Right now, I’m in a place of dreaming with God about what’s next. I’m holding onto the lessons He’s teaching me, and over the next few months, I’m going to test out different boundaries with the things I’ve realized have been soul-sucking, while making room for the things that have been unexpectedly life-giving.
And you know what else? I’m going to admit to you it’s been hard. It’s been hard feeling like I’m missing out the new trend, the new jokes, and the latest thing making the rounds. But it’s been even harder realizing that I had made an idol out of something I thought was pretty innocuous.
And y’all, it’s just hard growing and going deeper with God.
In worship songs, we ask God to take us where out trust is without borders, we ask him to refine us in the fire, and we ask him to break our hearts for what breaks His. And those simple Sunday morning songs sound so spiritual when sung with our hands held high
. But what happens when our hearts actually break, and the refining fire feels like it’s going to consume us, and God has taken us to a place we don’t understand and don’t actually like.
That’s where our souls are shaped. That’s where the hard things become the holy things. So as we step into sweltering summer months, I pray you lean into the hard, and find the holy.
Together, we can grow deeper, dream with God, and love the people in front us. To help us do that, I created this FREE 30 Days of a Scroll Free Summer download to give you ideas to replace screen time with me time.
